Back Again.

I haven't written since late November and today out of the clear blue sky I had this sudden urge to blog. Blog about something. Anything. Should I write about my recent endeavors? My recent travels? My late outings? Hmm...Over the last couple of months I've travelled a bit, lived, loved, and what not. Nothing really big that kept me away from actually writing or posting but just enough to keep me from doing anything that's actually useful in my life. 

In November as my mind got completely clogged up and clouded I took a much needed trip with my mom out to the Philippines. We went to a rehabilitation/ meditation center called The Farm. This place isn't what it sounds like. There are no livestock running wild around the place or anything that actually relates to a Western Farm. This is a remote center outside the city of Manila, where you go to get away from it all. The hectic pace of the city or the noise thats being emitted by all of those around you. 

 This place quickly became some sort of Utopia for me. The place included multiple meditation sanctuaries (even it's own ampi- theatre), resting areas, a medical center, a spa, a small souvenir shop, and the oh so lovely 100% vegan restaurant ALIVE! (that's its actual name). My mom and I signed up for the detox package which included fasting for 4 days as you indulge in a juice diet. Everyday the staff would bring us our required juice.

Our schedule went a little bit like this:

7am- Watermelon Juice

9am- Green Juice

12pm- Red Juice 

2pm- Lemonade 

6pm- Green Juice

9pm- Soup Puré (highlight of our day!)

10pm- Vinagre Shot + Fiber Drink (I had this on the first night and never again. Ever.)

 We did this for a good four days and then on our last two days we enjoyed the delicious food that was provided at the ALIVE restaurant. I don't know how but they make any Vegan food that should in fact taste like feet, taste like a little slice of heaven.

 Due to all of our down time I got a chance to read all of John Green's novels, including Looking For Alaska, Paper Town, The Abundance of Katherines, Will Grayson Will Grayson, and The Fault in Our Stars (my favorite). I also read the final of the lovey dovey trilogy by Jenny Han, We'll Always Have Summer.

Overall this was the best experience. I got a chance to relax, bond with my mom, and most importantly make a huge life decision. I'm finally moving on from the trauma and going back to university but this time not where I was in Fall 2012. 

Before going on the trip I was contemplating where I should go and whether I would stay still in SAIC or start fresh. I was having a horrendously hard time deciding what to do but during my stay at the Farm, my mom told me to leave my problems behind and focus on getting better and "recuperating" and that at the right time God would send me some sort of sign as to what I should do with my life. And He did exactly that. Prior to my visit I was considering transferring to Parsons but was having many doubts and long behold I got my sign. Loud and clear. Actually. 

During our 7 day vacation I met a man named David. Throughout our stay we would chat when we would bump into one another and gush about the fabulous treatments we were getting and the horrific juice diet we were all on. On our last day I talked to Mr. David about his career. He vaguely told me he worked in the fashion industry and was living in Manhattan. When I told him about my possible plans to move there and go to Parsons his face lit up as he began to sell me his school, Parsons the New School. 

We talked for a long while and I came to a solid conclusion that he was my sign. The Universe and God wanted to me meet him and ask him all the important questions I was having about NYC and the university. So there we all have it. I'm moving the New York City at the end of this summer. Ahhh exciting stuff. Hopefully everything goes ok! 

http://www.thefarm.com.ph/

Uncovered

Uncovered, 2011
Dimensions: A3
Medium: Charcoal

Live model session (20 minute pose)

Nothing Is What It Seems

Nothing Is What It Seems

Photography Installation, 2011

72x36 in.

Concept:

Over the last few years I have been exposed to more and more family secrets. People who I thought the world of, had not been who I thought they were. People who could do no wrong in my eyes turned out to be villains in my book. Some lied, cheated, and many changed. As people around me removed their sugarcoated masks, the walls of my youth started to slowly crumble.

Idea:

I wanted to create a roughly textured wall with perfectly matted photographs. The idea is that when standing several feet away from the piece all you can see are photographs on a wall, simple enough. As they continue to observe it they begin to notice that the prominent facial features have been cut out and through as they approach the piece and look into the holes, there's a video of two girls running around a field in a loop without a care in the world.

Medium: Photograph on Wooden Frame

My Version of a Blog

So, I figured I should probably write something other than just spew out my entire portfolio in one go and bore people with my ideas and concepts of art. Bad part is... I have no idea what a person is really meant to write on a blog. I guess I could maybe write a little bit about myself. My story. 

I'm an 18 year old kid. I was raised in Monterrey, Mexico and about 6.5 years ago I moved to Hong Kong. I did the whole International School thing here in HK and actually quite loved it. Being immersed in a multi-cultural school, I got the opportunity to meet some great people from around the globe and learn about their countries, traditions, etc. That always fascinated me. My close group of friends were more diverse than those really awkward college brochures that try to show how diverse their school is by placing an Asian, Caucasian, Latino, or whatever. Yup, we've all seen those at some point in our lives. Well I actually had that. 

My "group" consisted of girls from Canada, America, Australia, UK, Israel, Chile, China, Japan, Korea, and more. I loved it. Not a lot of kids get to say that but I feel really fortunate that I can. 

In high school I did the whole IB system thing. Hated it. But I did it nonetheless. 

I was never one for math, science... hell, I was even bad in my English classes. Art was always my thing. I could work on art for hours and wouldn't even notice the time go by. But when I would pick up anything academic based, I wanted to die (yes, I'm over dramatic that way- I'm latin).  

I put all my love and energy into my portfolio during my last school year and busted my ass in HL Visual Arts. Since, I was little my dream was to go to NY and attend what I thought was the mecca of all art schools, Parsons. I did everything in my power to get there and I did it. I made it come true. But when I received that big package in the mail containing my letter of acceptance I didn't feel the rush of excitement  the passion, the energy I was hoping to feel. 

Do you know how sometimes you're really looking forward to something, like seeing a really good friend after a year(s) of not being in the same place. You build up this image in your mind. You think that when you see them it'll be THE BEST of the best. But when that moment finally arrives, you're disappointed. Maybe the person isn't as great as you had made them out to be in your head or they have changed. Maybe you're the one who changed. Point is, that sense of desire and excitement never occurred like you had anticipated. 

That's what I felt. I was happy, yes. Not over the moon jumping around and announcing it to the world kind of happy. I was just content. I had worked my butt off and this proved it... but something felt off. 

After months of deliberating my choices I decided to turn down my chance to live in the city of lights and settle for the windy city and attend a more "sophisticated" art university, SAIC. My choice was based on current ranking and let's be honest... the dorms. SAIC has the absolute best dorms in the entire universe. Grant it, I haven't seen all dorms but to me those were pure perfection. How many unis do you know have loft spaces, your own kitchen/bathroom, and studio space? Yup... this institute does. Amazing. I know.  

Arriving there I knew immediately that I had made the right choice. Chicago wasn't was crammed as New York. Grant it, people did not dress as nicely but hey, I was having a fabulous time. I met really cool and funky people. I was over the moon happy. That was until a little (not so little) thing happened to me...

Right now my life has been set still due to an "incident" that occurred back in mid September. Maybe one day I'll be comfortable enough to put into words what happened but for now I'll continue being as vague just for my own sake... and my (non-existent) readers. 

This "incident" really put a dent in what I thought was my version of a 'perfect and ideal' future. My plans were put on hold. My life took a toll and now I'm back in square one. Back in Hong Kong. That event in my life caused such trauma and pain that I needed to remove myself completely from anything remotely associated with that night, thus I ran back home. The furthest place I could think of from chi-town. 

I've been dealt a bad deck of cards but now I am fully aware that I get to re-arrange them and hopefully set down a good hand. Everyday I struggle with the notion of feeling empty, used, and abused. I wake up hoping I'll open my eyes and it'll be September 14th and I get to change the choices I made that day. But I wake up and I'm in my old bedroom in my parent's apartment. 

Everyday I get the choice of living in fear or actually leaving my bed and doing something- anything that day. I just finished reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower and there's a quote that I think about everyday."So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be." 

Today I chose to forget about the sad part and just focus on being happy. I figured, this is my life now I can either accept what happened to me and move on or dwell on it and have it tarnish what I've always wanted out of life. 

Okay, after writing this I've decided. I'll dedicate this blog on how I'm feeling that day and how I'm overcoming/dealing with the trauma I went through. Maybe if I write down something that helped me get over my depression that day and someone so happens to stumble upon my poorly constructed thoughts and words, they'll feel better about themselves and want to get better. Just like me. Bad things happen to everyone, everyday. We're the ones who chose how we take that and run with it. 

So yes, today I chose to be happy. Hopefully, if someone out there is going through something bad like I am, choses to be happy too. Even if you fake a smile, sometimes it helps. Maybe a little but it got you through yet another day. I got through yet another day and I'm so grateful for that. 

Come Out, Come Out, Wherever Your Are

Come Out, Come Out, Wherever Your Are © 
2012 Film Photography